I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
