the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize