we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
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As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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