I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
