Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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