I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Blood and glitter go together right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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