Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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