She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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