I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
