I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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