I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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