Sponge bath it is.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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