I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
