Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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