Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am puke
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
