He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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