my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
