her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
