Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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