Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
