trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
