I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
