My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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