Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am available for nakedness
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
