she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
