why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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