I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
