that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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