I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
