I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize