worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
