so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
