and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
