my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
