I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
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