I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
