Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
