it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
