I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
