her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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