I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
