Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
