She is in my trunk
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
