Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
