PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
