Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
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It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick