I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
