Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
