you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
