apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
