he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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