I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
