So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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