GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
