is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
