so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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