If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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