Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
