You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
