Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
