im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
