My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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