i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
