I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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