there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
