I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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