so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
