foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
