He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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