I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
