you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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