Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
