Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
