Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way