She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.