I think about you every night.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny