Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?