I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.