Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again