I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"