i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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