just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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