dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
