he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
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I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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