So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
