Plan B is the new Plan A
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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